[Sophomore History, from the 1911 Caldwell College yearbook. Written by Minnie Parker Durham. Emperor Johannes is John Acheson, President of Caldwell College]
All Caldwell is divided into four parts, the first part is inhabited by the Freshmen, the second by the Sophomores, the third by the Juniors, while the fourth is inhabited by the Seniors, who have won great renown for their dignity, wisdom, and many other virtues. Under the rule of the Emperor Johannes, the first province revolted against the interference of the second province. The revolt began during the third watch of the eighteenth day of October. A fierce battle raged for over two hours. Many of the second province left the field carried off by their comrades. The battle was waged until the wife of Johannes attended by her trusty slave, Allen, demanded in the name of the emperor that the forces be disbanded and depart to their homes. This was complied with for two reasons. First, because the first province had defeated the second province. Second, because both provinces feared the wrath of Johannes.
Nevertheless on the third from that day, which was the seventh day of the week, the trusty troops of the first and second provinces assembled at the command of Johannes in the royal encampment. Here he served a banquet consisting chiefly of hot tongue and lemon, given to all in great profusion. He pardoned all on condition that the second province repair the damage done by the battle and also gave a royal speech declaring he would expel from the provinces anyone who again took part in a similar battle.
... On the following year the inhabitants of the first province went into the second province, having been allowed to do so on account of superior wisdom. The first province was inhabited by a tribe of barbarians, who had not yet learned the ways of civilization, when the excellent inhabitants of the second province undertook to instruct the barbarians in the way that they should do [sic.] they were reported to Johannes, who angrily told the second province to let the barbarians be.